It's been a while.

He's been sniffling all day.

I'll bet anyone money that he calls out tomorrow. 
Conveniently he's off on the weekend. 

Update tomorrow, I promise.

I was making fun of his "manly voice" that he uses when he's talking to someone on vent when he plays WoW or whatever else and he said, "You have to understand that when I talk to you I use a kinda whiny voice."

UM, yes, that is your normal tone of voice. So you're trying to tell me that you're using your manly voice to sound more manly while playing your FEMALE character on WoW?

Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense. I totally understand now.

NOT!

I forgot all about this website.

So fucked up.

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

I feel bad for him because it's been raining so bad the past few days and he still has to work outside. But he looks really cute in his bright yellow jacket. :)

I wish my phone wasn't just out of reach last night when we went to bed because I wanted to take a picture of him actually cuddling with me (because it rarely happens). And I was sandwiched between him and the cat and it was adorable!

Alone time.

He said he's "not here today" and he's going to leave me alone completely for the whole day.

He's done a good job so far.  :]

bahahah sneakiest cat ever.

anyway.

We worked out together today and I could totally feel the burn. 

I'm very upset that I close tomorrow night though. And now because I'll be closing, but because he's off all day tomorrow. So, I will have to share my morning with him, which he naturally doesn't understand. >_<

I just want to relax and do what I want to do before I go into work.

But instead tonight I won't be able to get to bed at a decent time because he'll be on the computer until probably 3am, and then he'll crawl into bed and turn the TV on something fuck-tarded which will wake me up. Then he'll sleep til 1 and I'll have to tip-toe around the apartment all morning so I don't wake him up instead of just enjoying a few hours to myself.

But since I'm anticipating it, I'm just planning on doing laundry and probably going for a walk so I don't have to worry.

Lunch was interesting.

That's what he had for lunch today.

It probably looks completely normal from far away, but I'm sure you know already that that wouldn't be possible.

That is a peanut butter and bacon sandwich. 

WTF?

I just wanted breakfast.

I just tried to wake him up and he mumbled 

"You made a very comfortable picnic, thank you."

Huh?!

so I told him he needed to wake up and make me breakfast and he said 

"I don't even own a cadillac, I can't make breakfast."

God, I love life.

I just want a simple life.

If this picture doesn't make you laugh, then there is nothing that can.

Yes, that is an ice tray on his legs.

He said he tried to go for his nightly run, but he didn't get 10 feet from the stairs when his legs just started hurting really bad.  He is convinced that he has shin splints but I'm convinced that he is just a hypochondriac. 

I have been so bitchy lately. I told him that I would like to see some sort of doctor and he tells me there's nothing wrong with me. I shouldn't go see a doctor because they'd just give me drugs. Um, if the drugs will make me feel better, yes please.

So it's not okay for me to think that there is something wrong with me feeling angry and annoyed all the time, but it's completely okay for him to self-diagnose every ache and pain he has?

I will never understand.

oh time change how you ruin my life.

He is angry because he doesn't have enough time in the day to do things he wants or something.

I don't know.

But I do know that he is blaming it all on the time change which happened how long ago?

Also, a funny picture coming soon.

Oh yeah, he's totally straight.

This is important and I don't want to forget.

I was just reminded of a time when we lived with everyone in the old house when heaccidentally dripped hot wax on me.

We always had to be so quiet in that house, at least I thought we did because I was paranoid that everyone would hear us having sex. So we always did nice things like light all the candles that I had on the cute shelves above my bed and turn off all the other lights and listen to music. It was awesome. Well afterwards one night he was blowing out the candles and he blew on one JUST the right way that made the candle go out and also made wax spill out of the top and onto my poor naked belly. 

So I yelled, "AH! You just got wax on me!!" and he looked around confused as if there weren't 7 candles lit above my body and asked what the hell I was talking about.

Are you kidding me? Really?

He thought I was kidding until I made him feel that the wax was starting to harden on my skin.

That story is too ridiculous to forget. So I had to write it somewhere.

Also, I think he is on the hunt for my blog. He asked me today whose blog I was reading and I was like, "ohh, no one's." And he gave me the narrow eyes and said, "Is that the blog that the blog you were gonna make to write about me?!" 

I just said "maaaaaybe" and his only response was "You better not be writing about my balls slapping around, because I saw you blogging while I was doing my jumping jacks and she knows too much about me already!"

bahahahahah

good thing he doesn't know this email. 

I'ma hit you from the back and make you holla til you pass out.

I can't even lie, he looks really good when he's working out in just his boxers in the living room.

But I'd never admit that to him.

Because that would give him more reason to continue working out in his boxers and I can't take too much more of it because his balls just keep slapping against his skin and the sound makes me want to go trip when he's doing jumping jacks. 

I know, I'm a terrible girlfriend.

So I won't tell him that he looks good while he's working out, but I will tell him that he looks good from working out. 

P.S. I'm sure the whole world would think he's gay for listening to 3oh!3 but I think it's absolutely adorable. Probably because I kinda like them too.

I'm not even sure why it makes me mad, but it does.

I'm so new to this stupid blogging thing. I hate it.

I walked into the bathroom when I came home from my mom's house and there was toilet paper floating in the toilet. A tell-tale sign that my boyfriend's been masturbating.

So as I shut the door I yell to him "I HATE YOU!"

and he comes running asking why I'm saying that.

And I just look at him with the I'm-not-as-stupid-as-you-think-face and say, "I hate you and your penis."

Then he knows exactly what I'm taking about and says, "Why? Did I masturbate today?"

"Umm, I don't know, you fucking tell me."

Now he's laughing because he thinks it hilarious that I don't like it.

"Well did I accidentally leave evidence that I did?"

So I scrunch my face even more which just makes him laugh, but confirms that he did.

God, I hate men.

On a positive note, he promised me that he would cut it down to 3 times a week. 

That, before he said that he would stop masturbating all together if we could just have sex once a day. HAH! Fat chance, buddy!

Tomorrow I have a Gyno appointment. 
Today I have a UTI.

Gee, what perfect timing.

Weight loss and how it doesn't happen for me.

He honest to god just complained because his work pants are too big for him.

Yeah, it must be really difficult to deal with losing weight when you're on a fucking diet.

I wish I could lose weight. I haven't been eating the same shit I always was AND I'm going to the gym and I've lost 7? pounds total. 

If that's some stupid way to some how get me to turn it around and compliment you, fuck off. I don't want to.

Side note: He just asked me why I don't be more of his friend than his enemy. Because he doesn't know how to cook rice and I told him to fuck off when he said his life sucks because, and I quote, "the directions on the bag of rice lied" to him.
I don't even know how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

Oh, and the cat decided to take my bag of chocolate chip cookies off the counter and bite holes all over the bag and then leave it in the middle of the floor in the den. Awesome, maybe he's trying to tell me that I'm fat and shouldn't have been eating the cookies anyway?

Just a quick walk.

Hey baby,

I'm tired of hearing you say "I do what I want to."

It's fucking old. I already know you do what you want to, but just because you tell me that doesn't mean that I'm okay with it. 

You've established yourself as the dominant, or as you like to put it "more important" one. 
I wish I had the balls (figuratively speaking, of course) to tell you how annoying it is though.

Also, I don't appreciate you questioning me walking to the grocery store. 
I know, I'm a lazy/fat ass. But if I say I walked to Publix, I did.
Is it really that unbelievable? It's literally right across the road from our complex.

Love always,
me

This will get old fast, I'm sure.