Oh yeah, he's totally straight.

This is important and I don't want to forget.

I was just reminded of a time when we lived with everyone in the old house when heaccidentally dripped hot wax on me.

We always had to be so quiet in that house, at least I thought we did because I was paranoid that everyone would hear us having sex. So we always did nice things like light all the candles that I had on the cute shelves above my bed and turn off all the other lights and listen to music. It was awesome. Well afterwards one night he was blowing out the candles and he blew on one JUST the right way that made the candle go out and also made wax spill out of the top and onto my poor naked belly. 

So I yelled, "AH! You just got wax on me!!" and he looked around confused as if there weren't 7 candles lit above my body and asked what the hell I was talking about.

Are you kidding me? Really?

He thought I was kidding until I made him feel that the wax was starting to harden on my skin.

That story is too ridiculous to forget. So I had to write it somewhere.

Also, I think he is on the hunt for my blog. He asked me today whose blog I was reading and I was like, "ohh, no one's." And he gave me the narrow eyes and said, "Is that the blog that the blog you were gonna make to write about me?!" 

I just said "maaaaaybe" and his only response was "You better not be writing about my balls slapping around, because I saw you blogging while I was doing my jumping jacks and she knows too much about me already!"

bahahahahah

good thing he doesn't know this email. 

I'ma hit you from the back and make you holla til you pass out.

I can't even lie, he looks really good when he's working out in just his boxers in the living room.

But I'd never admit that to him.

Because that would give him more reason to continue working out in his boxers and I can't take too much more of it because his balls just keep slapping against his skin and the sound makes me want to go trip when he's doing jumping jacks. 

I know, I'm a terrible girlfriend.

So I won't tell him that he looks good while he's working out, but I will tell him that he looks good from working out. 

P.S. I'm sure the whole world would think he's gay for listening to 3oh!3 but I think it's absolutely adorable. Probably because I kinda like them too.

I'm not even sure why it makes me mad, but it does.

I'm so new to this stupid blogging thing. I hate it.

I walked into the bathroom when I came home from my mom's house and there was toilet paper floating in the toilet. A tell-tale sign that my boyfriend's been masturbating.

So as I shut the door I yell to him "I HATE YOU!"

and he comes running asking why I'm saying that.

And I just look at him with the I'm-not-as-stupid-as-you-think-face and say, "I hate you and your penis."

Then he knows exactly what I'm taking about and says, "Why? Did I masturbate today?"

"Umm, I don't know, you fucking tell me."

Now he's laughing because he thinks it hilarious that I don't like it.

"Well did I accidentally leave evidence that I did?"

So I scrunch my face even more which just makes him laugh, but confirms that he did.

God, I hate men.

On a positive note, he promised me that he would cut it down to 3 times a week. 

That, before he said that he would stop masturbating all together if we could just have sex once a day. HAH! Fat chance, buddy!

Tomorrow I have a Gyno appointment. 
Today I have a UTI.

Gee, what perfect timing.

Weight loss and how it doesn't happen for me.

He honest to god just complained because his work pants are too big for him.

Yeah, it must be really difficult to deal with losing weight when you're on a fucking diet.

I wish I could lose weight. I haven't been eating the same shit I always was AND I'm going to the gym and I've lost 7? pounds total. 

If that's some stupid way to some how get me to turn it around and compliment you, fuck off. I don't want to.

Side note: He just asked me why I don't be more of his friend than his enemy. Because he doesn't know how to cook rice and I told him to fuck off when he said his life sucks because, and I quote, "the directions on the bag of rice lied" to him.
I don't even know how I'm going to do this for the rest of my life.

Oh, and the cat decided to take my bag of chocolate chip cookies off the counter and bite holes all over the bag and then leave it in the middle of the floor in the den. Awesome, maybe he's trying to tell me that I'm fat and shouldn't have been eating the cookies anyway?

Just a quick walk.

Hey baby,

I'm tired of hearing you say "I do what I want to."

It's fucking old. I already know you do what you want to, but just because you tell me that doesn't mean that I'm okay with it. 

You've established yourself as the dominant, or as you like to put it "more important" one. 
I wish I had the balls (figuratively speaking, of course) to tell you how annoying it is though.

Also, I don't appreciate you questioning me walking to the grocery store. 
I know, I'm a lazy/fat ass. But if I say I walked to Publix, I did.
Is it really that unbelievable? It's literally right across the road from our complex.

Love always,
me

This will get old fast, I'm sure.